Obviously, I don't have any sunshines in a bag, but yes, I'm useless.
God, I'm so missing my old life. Well... If I could make a 1 year jump back in time, I would do it, and stop the time after it.
I mean... If I just could correct my life, I'd do it.

gah. I'm getting tired of all these shits happening to me, I mean, I know dA is not a psy, but I always feel so much better when I talk to you all guys, and I feel protected.
Since I got this fucking autophobia (I don't know if it's the right word in english (we call it "autophobie" in french) but it's the phobia of being alone.) i've never felt so sad and anguish every day. Annd it got worse since I've lost three of my bestest friends in few month...

Like Derpy said "I just don't know what went wrong".

So, knowing that HE won't see this journal post (and if he does, he know that I'm talking about him.) I'm making an annoucement:
Monday morning, I'll give him back what he gave me.. The beautifulest stuff I ever had, and he ever gave me. This amuleta was... Well, it represent everything to me. I mean, everything between him and me.
He gave it to me as a christmas present from Guatemala in winter break. He told me I'd love it, and yes, it was the bestest gift I've ever received from a close friend. I could have die If I lose it.
Winter break was when we got closer and closer. the fact is two days after the end of it, he "asked" me to go out with him (he did'tn really give me a choice. He didn't ask me, he kissed me without any words.) and we had the beautifulest and most romantic moments ever.
We weren't like other teen couple. We acted more.. Adult? I mean, we got out, we saw concerts, we ate in restaurants, we worked together, we kind of started a band, and all... WE had lots of conversations, we didn't spend time licking each other face.
It was.. Magic.

Anyhoo, this amuleta was a part of me, just like he was.
Now he don't want to talk to me anymore, I can't keep the amuleta without being horribly hurts.

So I'll put it in his locker monday morning with a little letter.

If he wants to be my friend again, he'll just have to give me the amuleta back. And I'll understand.
I hope he would understand.

... maybe he'll give it to his new girlfriend... Who knows, but I don't think he's that kind of jerk...